Since having my twins and trying to negotiate the activities and life that I had with my singletons I have noticed that when you are a twin mummy there is a tendancy to flock together quite a bit with other twin mummies. Maybe it is safety in numbers or just that it is like being a member of a secret society where only we really get it. I used to have an unusual car (A Citroen 2CV) and it was the same with that. Others who drove that car would always give you a wave like we were somehow connected through the car. Other twin mummies tend to always give a smile to one another when passing in the street. Almost like a ‘I know your struggle’ type thing. I have also noticed some common twin mum behaviours – I know sweeping generalizations…. So apart from generally having at least two children hanging out of her at all times, how can you spot a twin mummy?
- She is the one at playgroup constantly hovering somewhere in between inside and outside as one toddler plays in one corner and the other is on the ride on toys outside
- She is the one you think is a bit rubbish as her child has just fallen over and she seemingly didn’t notice. If you look closer this will be because the other twin is currently hanging precariously from the top of a climbing frame or jigging about looking like she needs a wee, but refusing to go to the toilet….
- She is the one with slightly tensed shoulders and a furrowed brow as she debates which child currently needs her the most.
- She is the one putting one child on a potty whilst shouting at another to stop or come back or get down from that climbing frame
- She is the one with a slight shake due to excessive caffeine consumption
- She is the one who hasn’t text you back for years even though she really does love you and would love to hang out more
- She is the one who sometimes just watches as her children squabble as she reasons they have to work it out at some point – they are after all stuck with one another
- She is the one constantly spinning around to see where they both are in the playground
- She is the one whose children are fighting over who gets to go to the toilet first
- She is the one with even biceps as she hasn’t got just one baby carrying arm
- She is the one getting double the cuddles and overly sloppy kisses
- She is the one laughing at twice the toddler funnies
- She is the one doing a victory dance when nappies are no more
- She is the one who appreciates just how very lucky she was that they both made it here safely
Now before anyone gets all knickers in a twist as they have one child or two singletons and do some of these things – I know. I have also had two singletons and I get that is also hard. Having twins is different- I have tried both!! Trust me having multiples does add an element of chaos. There is something about them both being the same age that ups the ante. Although it does also have its perks (see double the kisses) and they are able to easily be entertained with the same activity. They also entertain one another more than say a 2 year old and a baby.
Having twins is definitely more of a balancing act than having two of different ages. With twin toddlers there is no child that is more sensible than another, no older sibling to set the example (although I do also have older kids, but at school). During the day I find myself almost constantly trying to work out which one to save first as toddlers are a liability to themselves. I feel like I need eyes in the back of my head. Despite being 4 children in to this parenting journey I still want to be able to see what they are doing at all times and would be tempted to helicopter if I were physically able to with twins. As I can’t, I have had to learn to let them have a bit more freedom. Having spoken with other mums of multiples they too have felt that have to relax a little and allow their twins to have a bit more independance than perhaps they would have liked. You just can’t be with each one of them every minute of every day and so of course you watch them as much as is humanly possible, but there have certainly been occasions when I have had to allow them to be out of my sight briefly. What else can you do when someone says:
and their twin is half way up the soft play….