Today was a dreadful mummy day in our household. Most of the time I love the school holidays as we don’t have the morning rush, but for some reason today the wheels completely came off. I have been having a difficult mummy week if I am honest and I am not really sure why. In fact all of me has felt a bit blurgh…. POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS
That is why I have been a bit quiet on here. I didn’t really feel like I had much to say of value. Anyway today was awful so I felt like I needed to be straight up and honest about how I was feeling in case anyone else was feeling like they had a dreadful mummy day too. By the way I am afraid I don’t really have any solutions or pearls of wisdom to offer today so it is just a download!!
Last week I totally had my positive pants on and was doing a happiness challenge. I genuinely felt good about where I was at and what was planned for the Easter holidays, but this week has been different.
I have had a few problems with my littlest boy in particular waking up really early and turning on those blasted electronic devices. We have tried hiding the ipad etc…, but he seems to have a radar. Even if we lock the ipad in the office he still wakes me up on his search… Honestly it is like he is obsessed and he is making himself and me really tired. Usually during the school holidays I make the kids an activities poster and they have to do an activity from each section before they can ask me for any screen time, but I forgot to get it all prepped and I have been paying the price with endless requests of
I have been quite worried about how much he is driven to play on these games at only 6 years old and so today I decided enough was enough and so I banned all electronic devices.
It was such a beautiful day I wanted us to be outside so we took all the lego out and started to build houses and towers, but 6 year old seemed like he was intentionally goading me. Perhaps that sounds ridiculous, but it really felt like that. Everything I asked him to do and every conversation I had with him just went negatively. I knew we were going no where so I went inside for a few minutes to get some space so that I wouldn’t morph into shouty mummy and that is when it really all went downhill.
When I went back out (I was inside for around 1 min) they had thrown every bit of lego that we own (and we own a lot) all over the garden. I asked them all to help me tidy up and the response came loud and clear ‘NO’.
What do you do when and if your kids say no?
I was there trying to pull up all of my positive parenting skills that I have been learning, but then found myself idly threatening to take away everything and anything. Of course I have read the books and so I know that this doesn’t work. Yet there I was trying to think of anything I could take away that would persuade them to do what I asked. I took all of the things I have learnt and that I know and just threw them out of the window. The kids were confused why was I saying that they couldn’t watch a movie when we were talking about lego?! No one knew least of all me.
I had to step away to regroup so I just walked into the kitchen for a moment. Then they started fighting. All of them were screaming and battling and I didn’t seem to be able to stop it! Everywhere I turned someone was whining and demanding a piece of me. I am usually quite able to handle that, but today I just couldn’t it was just too much.
And that is when it happened…. I lost it.
I knew I was losing and essentially had lost the battle as I was losing control of myself…. I was so worked up by that point it was too late and so I shouted and I shouted really loud.
I needed space from the children, but there was nowhere I could go. I mean I was at home alone and responsible for their well being! So as annoying as they were being I wasn’t about to leave them to their own devices!
Why did I shout?
The very second I roared I felt awful. My heart was racing and I was breathing fast. The kids cried and so did I. Is there anything worse than knowing you are responsible for your kids crying? I know I couldn’t have felt more awful and in that moment the annoyance of the morning disappeared. I no longer cared that anyone said ‘No’ I just wanted to fix everything and make it all better.
I literally couldn’t love those little loons anymore, but oh my god today it was another level of insanity. Then as quickly as it all blew up it went away. It was as if we all ran out of steam. All of a sudden three of them were playing nicely and eldest son was working with me on his book for school. I have just felt like a dreadful mummy for the rest of the day. We actually went on to have some fun playing with the Aquaplay (which by the by is the one of the best toys ever and I should have got it out at the start of the day!), but I have struggled to shake the negative feeling from the morning.
Thank you for bearing with me
I feel like I let them down by letting the Easter holidays get to me. It is a lot to handle all four of them all day long, but I usually have it planned better. We usually have fun! I don’t know what happened with me…. Ok Ok that is enough negativity from me for one day! I know that come tomorrow morning I will be ready for another day of being a mummy. In the meantime I am having a little glass of bubbly and then heading off to bed. So thank you for reading! If you have any suggestions for how I can better handle the next dreadful mummy day let me know!