Are you ready for another baby? There is such a lot to think about when this question comes up and sometimes it is a mystery to us all whether we are ready. Sometimes we all feel like that younger us trying to avoid getting pregnant before everything changed. It’s a thing that all girls do the moment they start having sex isn’t it? They panic about pregnancy. If they miss a period at any point, their thoughts instantly stray to whether they may be pregnant. We spend our so many years actively avoiding anything that could result in pregnancy and use all the contraception because we know we are not ready for this parenting thing and then for most of us (not all I know!) a switch flips…
That body clock starts ticking away and suddenly it is all we can hear and we are suddenly craving babies. We crave their smell, and their small, chubby hands hold our hearts in a way nothing else has. All of a sudden you are broody, dreaming of our own babies and bam – you get married (or not just talking about me here!), and a baby is the next step. Yep that is how easy it was to find the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and agree to start trying for kids- not!!! Still you get the idea there typically comes a point in your adulthood where you want to have a baby. Its time to throw out the contraception and forget about the morning after pill side effects because you’ve been there and done that. Now instead of avoiding certain times of the month to have sex you are actively working out when is the best time.
You get pregnant, and you add a little baby into your lives, causing baby-shaped chaos in everything that you do. It’s a grenade in the centre of your life, one you’re happy to indulge while also feeling more frazzled than ever before.
As life settles down, the question pops up between you and your partner: do you try for a sibling for your baby – or not? It’s a lot of lengthy conversations between you and your partner, and some of those conversations will start and end with NO WAY. Just like the first time around, you have to go through the rigmarole of coming off of contraception, trying for a baby and waiting each month for a positive test to appear – it’s stressful.
Not only that, you’ve got to try for a baby while you have another baby running around. That’s not easy, and it gives you a little more insight as to how busy life will be with more than one child around. So, with that in mind, you have some decisions to make! You need to decide whether you are really ready for another baby – or if you’re just conforming to the societal expectations of another baby for your first.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can tell you are ready for your another baby.
Do You Feel Ready for another baby?
Honestly, this is the best question you could ask yourself. Are you even ready to have another child running around the house? The night feeds and nappies, the worrying about SIDS all over again – there is a lot to consider here. One baby changes your life, but two outnumbers you entirely when your partner goes back to work. The last thing that you want is to feel like this is a bad idea. You won’t truly know that you are ready until you have your baby, but the one thing to remember is that you can always regret not having a baby, but you will never regret the children that you do have. Before we decided to try for number 3 (which if you are a regular reader ended up being 3 and 4 – twins!!) we had endless chats about whether it was the right thing for us, but ultimately decided if the question was still there we had to try at least. You could always borrow the babies from your friends and handle your own baby and the new one on your own. Of course, this is a poor comparison because you cannot compare a lifetime with a few hours of the day!
- Your Nerves? They’re Normal
Sometimes, the feeling of nerves makes you feel like you’re not ready when actually, you are. Most of the time, the nerves surround the unknown. You know what it’s like to get up in the night with a baby. You know how scary it can feel not to understand why your baby is crying at the top of their little lungs. All of this can make you feel nervous, but that doesn’t mean you’re not ready. It’s good to have an element of nerves; it means that you know what to expect this time around. You need to do some research here, ask some other mothers how they find it with two or more children. Maybe don’t read my post about having four under four though as that might put you off forever 😉 It is an extreme sport! Remember though when you are chatting to friends; every parent has a different experience to offer.
- You Don’t Mind The Idea Of Change
There may have been a day where you panicked when you were faced with the possibility of a pregnancy and the change that a baby can bring to your life. This time, you’re feeling good about change. You’re forced to grow up when you have children,You know you’re okay with the idea of things changing for you and you can’t help but look at your current toddler and feel your heart burst a little. You wouldn’t regret that small ball of love, so what’s one more?
- You Can Make Space In Your Heart
Most mothers have no idea how they can love more than one child. The truth is that your heart just grows. It makes space for the new love in your life, and you can hold all of the love that you need for your children right there. If you don’t feel ready to love another baby, then it’s a clear sign that you’re not prepared for a new baby, and that’s okay! You don’t have to be ready right now, not when you can give yourself a little more time.
- You Have The Patience For One More!
People don’t realise how much patience they need to have to feel okay with one baby, never mind another one! Babies will force you to be selfless, and as humans are naturally selfish, this isn’t easy. They take everything from you, and they do it without apology. Imagine that x2? If this scares you, then hell you are human. It is scary, but it is also possible and not as terrifying in reality as it is in your head. Somehow you just adapt.
- Your Relationship… Is It Working?
Babies change a marriage/relationship. You think you’re doing well, and all of a sudden one of you is too overtired and unhappy to think about being in love and together. It’s not what you want, but you need to know that your relationship can weather the storm a second baby can bring. It’s not a smart idea to have a baby to patch up a relationship, and all it will do is put added pressure on you both that you just don’t need. Sleep deprivation strains a relationship, so make sure you are going into this together! I am not sure anyone hasn’t really despised their partner at some point during pregnancy or when they have a newborn or both… the reality is that typically mummy has to get up more with a baby and so you are more tired and even if it is only fighting about who is the most tired parenting puts additional pressure on a relationship. You really need to still be a team when you start the journey and still really like one another as well as loving on another. My husband drives me mad (and I him) but he still makes me laugh everyday so we are all good!
- You’re Ready For A Challenge
Two children is not a walk in the park at first, but once you get into the swing of your new routine, you’re right there, and you’re making it happen. If you are ready for the challenge it really is wonderful having two children (or more) watching siblings bonding and playing is truly a privilege and for all the chaos in my house I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Your heart will expand, you will be enough so if you are ready for the challenge then I say go for it. You will always embrace your family – so what is it going to be? Are you ready for another baby?