100 Funny Christmas Wishes for friends and family

Christmas is about a lot of things and means different things for different people, but I am sure we can all agree it is about family, love and being together wherever possible.  It is a time to create fun so what better than making your friends and family laugh with these funny Christmas wishes.

Funny Christmas Wishes and Quotes

These funny Christmas wishes and messages are perfect for spreading a bit of joy as an instagram caption, social media caption, a funny Christmas card or even as a funny Christmas message inside a home made cracker.

So no matter who you are sending Christmas wishes to this year whether it is your social media followers, friends, family, your husband or wife; why not make them smile with these funny Christmas wishes and messages.

Click below on the heading that you want to head straight through or read right to the end.  

Don't forget to also check out our Christmas Colouring Sets for kids that you can download and get yourself a bit of peace and quiet amidst the crazy...

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Funny Christmas wishes for friends

Funny Christmas wishes for him

Funny Christmas Wishes for Her

Funny Christmas messages for family and friends

Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Wishes for Friends

Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic; Merry Christmas!

The best Christmas gifts are those given from the heart. On the other hand, cash and gift cards are effective too! Merry Christmas!

May your Christmas be as fat, happy, and plentiful as Santa’s! Merry Christmas!

May your Christmas be as fat happy and plentiful as Santss Merry Christmas 4

I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills!

May you survive the priest’s boring speech in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!

Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!

I hope Santa doesn’t find all the faults you have been keeping under the blanket. Merry Christmas, dear.

May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays!

Funny Christmas Wishes


Remember to smile and enjoy your time. Because when Christmas is over, nobody will care whether you exist or not!

Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So aren't you lucky that you are spending it with me!

I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wishing you a happy Christmas!

What do you get for the person who has everything?  A pile of crap they don't need!!  Enjoy finding homes for it all.  Merry Christmas

Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name on Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!

I hope your smiles will be bigger than your credit card bill this Christmas! Wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!

My Christmas wish for you this year is simple: with all you are going to consume over the holidays, I hope your digestive system can handle it like a champ.

This one is super timely this year with all of the stresses of the cost of living crisis:

We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas and a debt-free New Year!

Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!

I hope your celebration will be big and your bill will be small this Christmas. Have a joyful Christmas!

Happy holidays! May your egg nog contain enough rum to get you through the Christmas season!

May your Christmas be as fat happy and plentiful as Santss Merry Christmas 3

You know your life sucks when you have to wait the entire year for Santa to bring you some presents because apparently, no one care to give you a present.

This Christmas is all about feeling special. I hope you spend this Christmas drinking to the point that you completely forget you’re a loser!


Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you presents – and not sickness – this holiday season!

Santa told me you’d been very good this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

Santa told me that you made the good list;  He should have gone to specsavers...  Merry Christmas Naughty!

Christmas is not only for praying and praising. But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

Christmas is about family; about trying to tolerate them and keep smiling that is!  Sending you patience this Christmas


Funny Christmas Wishes For Him

Of course a heartfelt message for your loved one is nice, but its also showing love to make him smile with a funny Christmas wish for him.  

I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new handbag too!

Nowadays, you look like Santa with a big tummy and long beard. Guess what, you are going to the gym next year! Happy Holidays!

I Wish Santa fill your socks with candy and your wallet with money. Have a nice and warm holiday season my love! Merry Christmas to you!

Sending your way a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Take my love and don’t forget to bring presents for me tonight. Merry Christmas!

Sometimes our Christmas Wishes can be funny and heartfelt.  I think this one is super cute:

Santa has already given me what I wished for so long. Now I want him to fill your socks too! Merry Christmas!

If you live somewhere that it snows then this one is perfect:

Lob a snowball at me, and I’ll declare war. Let’s make this one the best Christmas for us together! Merry Christmas to you!

The only rule for you to follow this Christmas; don’t drink too much if I’m not there to carry you home! Merry Christmas!

I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!

Santa said you’ve been a great one this year. So, he will be giving you free vouchers to clean the house and find random things. Best of luck, hubby.

May your Christmas be filled with large smiles and festivities, but not with a big belly. Merry Christmas!

Santa said you were on the good list this year!  So as a reward I will tell you where things are for the thousandth time without asking you to open your eyes and look...  Merry Christmas Husband!!

Do not spend all of your savings in one day over this lovely holiday. Merry Christmas!

Christmas is the time to be with good people. So make a plan to spend the whole Christmas with me. Merry Christmas, love!

I know why you believe in the magic of Christmas;  its because you do nothing and boom a full Christmas Dinner appears.... Love you anyway!

May your Christmas be as fat happy and plentiful as Santss Merry Christmas 1

Every time I see you, I think of Santa. You have so many things in common with that big, slightly round guy... I'm talking about your big laugh of course 🙂 Merry Christmas dear!

Funny Christmas Wishes For Her

Make her laugh and smile this Christmas with a different type of Christmas message or text.  These funny Christmas wishes for her are sure to brighten her day and give her a smile.

The true magic of Christmas is when you make my savings disappear without me realizing what happened. You are literally David Copperfield in that department!  I love you

A question that is often asked at Christmas is whether your wallet or your feet will give out with exhaustion first;  this Christmas I am making sure it isn't your feet so start buying me gifts and I'll doing the washing up on Christmas Day.  Merry Christmas wifey!

Wishing for a fat bearded guy to visit me at night is not cool. I’d rather wish it was you in a red gown. Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Wishes for family, friends and loved ones


It is that time of year when you rush around organising Christmas and I look like I know what you bought when my mother opens it!  Thanks for everything you do.  Merry Christmas my love

Everything grows old, except for You and Santa. Merry Christmas, my love. Sending warm wishes on your way this Christmas!

Having you by my side this Christmas means everything extra. Extra food, extra admiration, extra bills- everything!  I love you

I’ll declare war if you throw a snowball at me. Let’s make this the happiest Christmas we’ve ever had! Merry Christmas!

I wrapped your Christmas gift in “Happy Birthday” paper by accident. Then I added “to Jesus” to it. Merry Christmas, wifey!

Many of us are experiencing tough financial times right now and so if that is you then maybe this Christmas Wish would be perfect for her.  There are many ways to give gifts and love is the most important one right?

I have no money to spend for you on this Christmas but know that I always have time to spend with you this Christmas! I love you!

Happy Holidays! May there be plenty of sales and coupons wherever you go to do your Christmas shopping.

I have been watching you closely this year and you have been a good girl. Have a magical Christmas, wifey!

The season has finally come for every husband in the world to go broke from last minute Christmas Eve shopping. Merry Christmas 

I wished to be surrounded by good people, not the ones that spoil my mood. But Santa told me that offer was not for married people so its fine your mother can come along 🙂

Funny Christmas Messages For Friends and Family

Christmas with friends and family is awesome, but we can't always see everyone can we so some of our funny Christmas messages for friends and family are just ideal for sending a text or writing as a funny Christmas wish in Christmas cards

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

May you make it through the priest’s dull speech and join us at the party soon. Have an incredible Christmas!

How about sharing one of these Christmas Wishes with your friends and family to give them a giggle this year?

Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them for the rest of the year.

Good luck with wishing people unrealistic things from someone who doesn’t even exist. Have a great Christmas this year!

They say that a person can never have too many socks... which is lucky really as I got you more!  Happy Christmas buddy

Funny Christmas Wishes; you can never have too many socks...

You’re now at a stage of your life when you really need to ask yourself if you believe in Santa or not! Grow up, man. Merry Christmas!

May this Christmas be really busy for you as the rest of the year was kinda blah. Have a tremendous time. Lots of love.

Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. He might be loved by all, but that is one tough gig!

Santa can definitely do some pretty amazing things. But I really wish he could make “late fees” disappear off of bills. Merry Christmas!

If you have older kids this is sure to make them laugh:

Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.

Stop asking for presents from Santa and be the Santa for the kids around you. Suits your age. Merry Christmas!

Happy holidays! May you have plenty of coffee and caffeinated drinks to get you through the Christmas season!

Hope you get to drink a lot and feast well in the holiday season. Let yourself go and have a bit more fun. Merry Christmas, my dear!

It’s hard to smile when your wallet runs out of cash but still, Merry Christmas to you and your family.  Gifts aren't everything; fun, laughter and love is...

You are allowed to have an awesome Christmas as long as I have my presents waiting at my doorstep. Have a great time!


Anyone who believes that men are equal to women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Merry Christmas! May you receive presents that make you happy – and not fruit cake and ugly Christmas sweaters.

Happy Christmas!  I wish you a day of joy and fake smiles as you open up all those socks

Funny Christmas Quotes

Now sometimes our own words as awesome as they might be have already been said by someone else so we have also included Funny Christmas quotes to use in your cards or social post captions for your family and friends

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller

"There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?" - Conan O'Brien

 “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.”— Robert Godden

“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich

"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”—Phyllis Diller

"A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day." - Melanie White

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney

“You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie

 “Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” - Matt Groening

“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul.

“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis

"My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge." - Melanie White

“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included." - Bernard Manning

 “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” — Unknown

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