A story always begins at the beginning and ends at the end doesn’t it? Well right now it seems not! It feels like we are both at the beginning and the end of a story as my girls have their last day at nursery and prepare to start school.
If I am honest I have felt in a bit of a funk recently. Just a bit grumpy and feeling a bit blurgh… I have worked out why. It is change. I hate change and the girls having their last day at nursery means quite a bit of change. I am a little sad that my babies are finishing nursery and in just 6 short weeks will be starting school. So although we still have a summer of fun to look forward to this does feel like an end.
I have never been good with change. As a child, my mother reports, I was a totally nightmare every time I changed teachers. I think my discomfort with change comes from my love of control. I hate the unknown and outcomes that I can’t control. This shift in my life from stay at home mum to well just stay at home feels like a big one. It is certainly a change that I have basically no say in and just have to accept. I don’t know if I am ready for all of the littles to be out all day!
The past 8 years at home with my children have been a privilege and I feel lucky. They have also been some of the hardest of my life. Seriously 4 under 4 was no joke! There were times when I thought we would simply never get to this point. That I would surely have lost my mind before the girls started school. Now it is here!!! It is here and in many ways I wish it wasn’t. I have carved out a life for myself, however small, based around play dates and playgroups and with the last day of nursery comes the last of this part of my life.
It is hard to believe that it is over and that we as a family have changed from this:
I will miss my little loon girls and the routines we have developed. I will even miss the local soft play centre 😉 Time flies people time flies… Now let’s face it I need to find something to do all day don’t I? But the question is what?
It is also a time of new beginning both for me and the girls. There are many things to be positive about and look forward to. If I think about the opportunity to have some 30 hours to myself every week and ignore the slightly sad bit that my babies won’t be here then it is exciting. The world is my oyster. I am in the lucky position of being able to choose what is next for me.
So I have been thinking about what I could do with myself:
- workout everyday
- sort out my house so you don’t have to fear for your life if you open a cupboard
- become our cleaner and save a few pennies
- develop the blog and try to monetize it
- start a pod cast
- refocus on my cv writing business
- start teaching swimming again
Fortunately I have time to think about it. I definitely want to contribute somehow although at least for the time being that might be done through managing a house build and renovation project. There is a lot to consider. I can’t just go back to work as I knew it as travel or long hours would not be possible. I also will still need to continue my relationship with my washing machine. I spend on average at least an hour a day on washing…
So where to now?
I was a bit emotional on my girls last day at nursery. I think that is ok. I feel like it is normal to be a bit sad when a part of your life is over. Raising and taking care of babies has been my life for over 8 years so it is natural to feel a loss isn’t it? A part of my life is drawing to close so I can feel a bit sad as long as I remember to also look to the future.
As a mummy it is my job to put myself out of work right? I am supposed to enable my children to be independent. That is bound to hurt a little along the way. It is time to accept and embrace the change and all of the fun that is ahead for me and my not so little family. So for us this is both the beginning and end. The beginning of the girl’s story at school, the end of nursery. The beginning of time for ‘me’ and the end of my experience as a SAHM. Watch this space as I navigate this next part of the parenting journey.